One more gone

I just went to feed them. There were only 2. The larger white one was not there. after feeding them i walked in the opposite direction, for some strange reason.

After some houses at the turn, some guards called out to me. They said the large white one had been run over. Some lady drove over it and dragged it for some while. The Mother had come there and was smelling the blood there. I walked around that area, it was dark so i could not see, thinking that maybe the body is still there, maybe there the pup is still alive but hurt.

I could not find anything. (This is the same one for which someone had told me it had been run over but miraculously survived).

Are such occurrences to break the ego? To strengthen enquiry? Yes, i am enquiring as to who is it who suffers.

O Lord, for the sake of the Mother, please protect the last 2 ones. Please remember that the last litter all drowned. Everytime i go to feed them will i have to wonder if it is the last time i will see them?
Will i have to once again go with heavy heart each time, wondering if one more would have died ? How will i enquire if i am constantly worried for their lives.

Lord, this is the greatest you gave me. This is the final, the ultimate in this world. I know I know, this is the ego speaking, not the real I.