Is this world real ?

O Father, O Mother, tell me honestly, is all this I see true. Is all this suffering I see real, or just some mirage to make me wake up. Yesterday an old man at Frendicoes was telling me about a run over pup that survived. I cried as he told me, it was impossible to even imagine the suffering of a pup. Today, 2 men came with a tiny little thing, with big doleful eyes, they wanted to leave it there -- i told him the shelter here is overcrowded and dogs are dying of disease and neglect. He said he will leave the pup back where he picked it up. I told him the little thing will be mauled or run over again. He said there were 4 or 5 others, we are trying to save his life. Said they could not adopt him since they leave in the morning and come home late at night.

I trust You completely, and know everything is for the best. I know you love all creatures far more than i (my silly false mind) can ever imagine. I am just a pretense, and a really hypocritical one at that. If this world is real, if the suffering around me is, how will i ever wake up, how can i  put the pain out of my mind and remain still.

When i am dead, will this suffering continue for ever ? I know the one in me who suffers is imaginary. I know the one who feels compassion and love is imaginary. The one who prays to you today and everyday to end suffering is imaginary. Whatever i see and experience is in front, I cannot see what is experiencing. I cannot see what is alive. I only see and am the imaginary and arising. I do not know what is actually alive here. I do not know that which is not imaginary. The "I"  that says this is imaginary. It's an awful loop that I cannot get out of.

I love you Lord, and Mother of all beings, and i love all beings. This fake person, this fake despicable ego begs for all beings to be free of suffering, for all beings to be happy and at peace for ever. My soul is in torment. And even this so-called imaginary torment does not equal that which these beings are going through. I sit cosily and healthily while millions suffer. I hope this imaginary pain of this ego, in some way frees others of their karma.