How all this has impacted sadhana

Ever since i found the male one (shall i call him Shiva or Ram or Raja), i have been unable to remain silent, i am thinking of the pups day and night. I am worried to death. Is this a mind trick to break me out of awareness. I am just unable.

Another thing. At one time the brown one of the 2 small ones was my favorite. Probably because i found him throwing up one night when it was freezing, and i thought he would not survive. Later when Raja returned and was larger than these 2 and often pushed them around i did not take to him. At some stage, I began to take to the small white female (who has her toe run over the other day). But after Raja's accident, he has become my favorite. The brown one had sort of receded into the background, often she would just be sleeping when i fed them, uninterested in eating. Today, when i gave some dog biscuits to Raja, the brown female attacked his neck. He cried out. I had to hold her back a lot. I suddenly wanted her out. She has become quite aggressive now. Later when they lay down and Raja tried to join them, she again tried biting his nose. He was frightened and leaned against me, till the other 2 settled down, then he tried to find a place.

So this is the love of the ego. Completely taking me from awareness. And such a pretense, shifting as per its own convenience. This cannot be the love of the Self which would be fair to all. I will still always serve then as fairly as i can, but i must stay in awareness so the Self can get me out of this selective love.

Lord, help me come back to awareness. Protect me from the mind. O Self, protect me. Pull me.

I guess the family and sibling-hood can only last so long. My dream that they would live together and protect each other .. will that not come to be. I talked to them, asking them to be together and stand by one another. I guess they will forget each other and see each other as competition (as the Doctor said about the mother and pups).