Father
Protect Raja! The big dogs are coming and biting him everyday. His back and tail are carrying wounds. Today when i went to feed him he would not get out from under a car (under the dhobi tree). Finally he inched out a bit so i could put the bowl under the car.
Later, he managed to come into our house and sat by our door. I heard to top lady shoo him out. Again, the uncle above had him shooed out.
O Father, I do not know a way out. Please help. Please protect Raja. I do not know what to do. Is this world real ? The only hope I have is to know that all I perceive is false. For if all these beings do exist, how will I save myself from the false self that is so concerned about other's suffering.
Friday, April 29, 2011
Monday, April 18, 2011
A visit to the vet for Raja's front arm
We went to the vet by 3 wheeler. I had thought Raja has a dislocated shoulder (front right). The doc said he would not be able to put his weight on it. She thinks its a muscle injury (hit by car or person). Gave a pain killer. If it does not i can get an xray at Lajpat Nagar. Otherwise painkillers for a couple more days.
She noted that he is not using his hind leg too since it has lost weight.
She noted that he is not using his hind leg too since it has lost weight.
Sunday, April 17, 2011
Raja at our doorstep
I am told Raja was outside our door all night. When i came out today his front leg was stiff. He was walking funnily. Perhaps he got bitten or hit and that's why he came to our door.
What a position you have put me in Lord, where i cannot even use the car to get him checked. Please take care of Raja, please heal him. It is all up to You.
Wednesday, April 13, 2011
Everything i say
Everything i say is a lie. It is about the false self. Each time i say "I" it is some fictitious self which speaks, for a fictitious self. I live a lie, i live for a false self, not for what is alive. Not for the awareness, or the I-am, but that false self that has caused so much suffering to myself and others.
-- (the rest got lost since i shut off the internet)--
10:44 PM April 12, 2011
whatever i ask You for, what ever i pray to You is the false self, asking for itself, asking for something to perpetuate itself. there is nothing I can ask for, that is the real I's wish or desire. My entire life is that of the false self and its desires and its perpetuation.
Every step, every action, every thought is that of the false self.
This illusion can be so beautiful, so difficult to leave at times. The animals are so so beloved, so endearing. This illusion has totally got me there.
-- (the rest got lost since i shut off the internet)--
10:44 PM April 12, 2011
whatever i ask You for, what ever i pray to You is the false self, asking for itself, asking for something to perpetuate itself. there is nothing I can ask for, that is the real I's wish or desire. My entire life is that of the false self and its desires and its perpetuation.
Every step, every action, every thought is that of the false self.
This illusion can be so beautiful, so difficult to leave at times. The animals are so so beloved, so endearing. This illusion has totally got me there.
Friday, April 08, 2011
Thank You
Thank you, Lord, Father, for the opportunity of serving you. For this
wonderful opportunity of loving and serving you. It is you. I always
knew it was You. However, i never thanked you for letting me serve
you. How cunning, should i say, and yet, how simple and logical. You
could not have chosen better. So simple, that it seems cunning. We are
one. Always, even after we shed these bodies, we will always be one
single being.
O Mother, Mother, Mother, Mother.
I know nothing of this world. i just know that this is all You. Loving
You. You full of love and protection for all. Extending your limitless
heart out to me. How strange and incomprehensible is all this
existence and diversity.
wonderful opportunity of loving and serving you. It is you. I always
knew it was You. However, i never thanked you for letting me serve
you. How cunning, should i say, and yet, how simple and logical. You
could not have chosen better. So simple, that it seems cunning. We are
one. Always, even after we shed these bodies, we will always be one
single being.
O Mother, Mother, Mother, Mother.
I know nothing of this world. i just know that this is all You. Loving
You. You full of love and protection for all. Extending your limitless
heart out to me. How strange and incomprehensible is all this
existence and diversity.
Raja's last vaccination
Today i took Raja for the last vaccination. This time i just picked him up and carried him to the main road to get the 3-wheeler. The mother followed me very anxiously, as far as she could. Very concerned. Jumping on me.
The doctor said that the limp is an old injury, and its likely that in the original accident, there was a small fracture that has fused, but not correctly. Therefore, he does not put weight on it. Its not a new injury.
She asked if Raja's mother pampers him a lot. Normally at this age he should be very aggressive when being given shots. He was only crying out. I told her that Raja follows his mother everywhere. She still protects him, and she has been licking his wound (the bite he had, which has joined).
You sat in my lap, dear one. It was nice to have you, but you have grown a lot. From 9.1 kilos you are now 11.6 kilos. A strapping young lad. The next vaccination is a year away now. So much love and joy you have given me both of you. No human or any one else could give me such a feeling of being complete, of being fulfilled. I have had my fill of life, and of being in bodies, i have no longer any personal need to keep taking a body -- i have experienced the highest.
The doctor said that the limp is an old injury, and its likely that in the original accident, there was a small fracture that has fused, but not correctly. Therefore, he does not put weight on it. Its not a new injury.
She asked if Raja's mother pampers him a lot. Normally at this age he should be very aggressive when being given shots. He was only crying out. I told her that Raja follows his mother everywhere. She still protects him, and she has been licking his wound (the bite he had, which has joined).
You sat in my lap, dear one. It was nice to have you, but you have grown a lot. From 9.1 kilos you are now 11.6 kilos. A strapping young lad. The next vaccination is a year away now. So much love and joy you have given me both of you. No human or any one else could give me such a feeling of being complete, of being fulfilled. I have had my fill of life, and of being in bodies, i have no longer any personal need to keep taking a body -- i have experienced the highest.
Thursday, April 07, 2011
These hands and this heart
Just come back from feeding Raja and Mother. Finally, these two hands have done something worthwhile. If ever i have done anything meaningful with these hands, it is feeding them, looking after them, tending to my beloved Raja when he was injured and sick.
If ever my heart has done anything meaningful it was loving them. And feeling the pain of animals. I can never forget those moments when i found Raja all bandaged up two days after his accident. I had given you up for dead, dear one. Your small bandaged face lifted and looked up at me. Your little tail wagged a bit in recognition. I gave you some biscuits, you chomped them down hungrily. And all those moments when you sat in my lap at the hospital, I wondering what you were thinking as you looked around, I feeling complete, as though all my missing parts had finally been put together. All those days, I held you against my chest, pressing you slightly, hoping you would somehow melt into me and become a part of me.
Somehow, you and your mother have connected me to Nature, to Mother Nature. It was already happening for the past 2 years, but you pushed it through, accelerated it. You taught me the biggest lesson of my life, but its a lesson i don't know how to put into words, its a lesson at the level of being, of what is alive, the level of me.
If ever my heart has done anything meaningful it was loving them. And feeling the pain of animals. I can never forget those moments when i found Raja all bandaged up two days after his accident. I had given you up for dead, dear one. Your small bandaged face lifted and looked up at me. Your little tail wagged a bit in recognition. I gave you some biscuits, you chomped them down hungrily. And all those moments when you sat in my lap at the hospital, I wondering what you were thinking as you looked around, I feeling complete, as though all my missing parts had finally been put together. All those days, I held you against my chest, pressing you slightly, hoping you would somehow melt into me and become a part of me.
Somehow, you and your mother have connected me to Nature, to Mother Nature. It was already happening for the past 2 years, but you pushed it through, accelerated it. You taught me the biggest lesson of my life, but its a lesson i don't know how to put into words, its a lesson at the level of being, of what is alive, the level of me.
Saturday, April 02, 2011
When i am with animals
When i am with animals the sense of being separate, an "I" melts, and it is wonderful to be connected and one with all there is, with Mother Nature, with Mother Earth. Animals don't struggle with themselves, with the world, they live naturally, they just are.
However, when i am with humans, and i see the drama, the huge struggle and resistance to life and everything, the completely false drama, I shrink back, and personality gets strengthened. It feels horrible to be pushed back into the false person. The false drama and struggle inside me begins, too.
However, when i am with humans, and i see the drama, the huge struggle and resistance to life and everything, the completely false drama, I shrink back, and personality gets strengthened. It feels horrible to be pushed back into the false person. The false drama and struggle inside me begins, too.
