2009-04-28

April 28, 2009

Since yesterday i notice that the belief in the false self is weakening. An inner identification with the silence or awareness has started happening.


April 29, 2009

What is alive and conscious here cannot have come about 40 years ago. It has to be permanent. It cannot also be limited to one set of beliefs and a changing decaying body.

It has to encompass all this.

Everything can only come after what is conscious.


April 30, 2009

I am the center of experience. I am what is conscious. How can i be something or someone I experience? How can i be a part of what i experience ?

I am outside of experience. There is no reason for sorrow or worry related to identification.

2009-04-27

how can i be a part (entity) of what I experience?

an entity in what i experience wants peace -- how can that be me? an entity in what i experience wants liberation?

Who/ what is conscious ?

Your gaze

To me you promised yourself, O Father
Yourself completely
Today i ask you to claim me
I want you fully, I am ready and eager
There is nothing to hold me back
nothing to bind me

Who could survive the love of Your gaze

Father's aradhana

Like the moon unto her mother
I am unto You
Gaze fixed, awaiting union.

Pull me and crush me into Yourself.

the only true love

Father, you are all i have, the only one i love and the only one who loves me.

Please relieve me of this body and life, and let me be absorbed in Your Feet.

Your loving face

Maybe if i keep your loving face in my mind at all times, I will be able to leave this body and become one with You, O master and Father.

You love me so much, what can i say, dear Father.

This body is such a burden, this world such a pain.

what is it, Father, to throw one's burden on You ?

How does one surrender burdens to You ?

So this is your choice -- it is fine. I will not resist. I must accept the feelings and what comes for it is best for me.

I am totally lost, totally gone. I am trying hard to enquire ... I am unable to disidentify with the false "I". .....

I know now the meaninglessness of everything ... In one blow everything is rendered meaningless, barring You, O Father...

For everything, there comes the question, "what is the point of this?" and it is clear that there is no point. ...

...

Why do I feed this body everyday ? So i can be separated from You for one more day ?

I may be too distraught to see my awareness at present but even in confusion and darkness, i can always see you as a blazing beacon of love, O Father.