A Beautiful End

2006-06-29 1:10 PM

May I always have unswerving attachment to You!

- Vishnu Purana

Oh Arunachala! as soon as Thou didst claim me,
my body and soul were thine.
What else can I desire?
Thou art both merit and demerit,
Oh my Life! I cannot think of these apart from Thee.
Do as Thou wilt then, my Beloved,
but grant me only ever increasing love for Thy Feet!

Lord,
In Your second "coming", on June 21-22 2006, you have totally claimed me body and soul. The above words of yours are now true for me, too, you have made them my living reality.

What a beautiful end. To drown in the Ocean of Your love. I am enjoying melting into Thee.

Sweet as a mother's love is Your love, Beloved. Like a newborn is Your innocence. Dear than life itself is your love, for it to make us give up our bodies and souls to Thee.

Dearer than life itself is Thy Love

2006-06-27 12:57 PM

Lord,

For thousands of lives, i have worked, earned, supported, done all the things society expects of its members, even fought in wars, killed, and been killed.

This being my last life, Lord, i request Thee to let me now live it in Your memory, with no other responsibilities to constrain me. O Beloved Father and Guru Ramana, let this life be lived in Your memory only.

There are others to be of use to society. I have no use of fame, or wealth for Your love is the greatest wealth.

Beloved, will i ever know if i was alive in Your life? Did i serve you, was i your devotee in my last life ? Will this ever be revealed to me?

You are Lord Shiva, and Parabrahma Krishna.

I must have stared and gaped at You in my last life.

Photo of "Ramana and Mother 1913" courtesy acalayoga

With Mind Fixed on Thee

Now that You have come and fixed my mind on Yourself, i can happily live the rest of my life in Your loving memory. There is no need to seek or do anything else, since there is no desire. "Hare Ramana, Hare Lakshmana" repeats in my mind.

Fix your mind on Me, be devoted to Me, offer service to Me, bow down to Me, and you shall certainly reach Me. I promise you because you are My very dear friend. (Bhagavad Gita 18.65)

And yet, going back to 18.61:

The Supreme Lord abides in the heart of all beings directing their wanderings through the power of Maya ...

we realize that it is You only, as both the devotee and the grace-giving Lord.

Let me be condemned

2006-06-26 12:31 PM

oh beloved
you are the creator, maintainer and destroyer of all these universes, and I a speck of dust, that loves Thee desperately.

The little speck of dust that Ramana loved. The speck that loved Ramana. May this love only grow, Lord, let it never fade.
Beloved, let each atom of this creation know the love that i feel. Let each enjoy this joy of your limitless love.
what could i possible have done in a previous life to have deserved your affection ?
All i can possibly ask of You is that no other thoughts other than bhakti of you ever intrude in my mind.

Who can deny that You are here with me right now, as i type. You are here in this room. Alive and breathing.

2006-06-26 12:49 PM
Let me be condemned eternally to Your bhakti, O Ramana, O Arunachala.

2006-06-26 1:02 PM
If i am not wrong, Bhagavan Ramana has come to squeeze out whatever life there is left in me. Squeezing me with His Divine Love.

The photograph above is courtesy Gabriele Ebert

Arunachala Ramana - the soul's last and final love

Dear Lord,

i have tried to leave you, to run away from you. But would You leave me!

Oh Beloved Arunachala, you have caught me and brought me back. You have caught me too tightly in your grasp. I can't run, where would i run, for you are all.

Lord, i am so blinded by You, by Your love that i can see nothing else. You are realer than the objects around me. Your love is realer than the 'love' of humans around me.

Lord, today i can really and honestly say (now that my spiritual cravings are over):

Ocean of Mercy, can anyone drenched with Thy kindness ever be affected even if destiny so decree? The very sight of Thy Holy feet has made me perfectly happy.

I look at you without craving, i look at You without the delusion that i am your devotee, with the knowledge that it is You who loves us unconditionally and without limit. I stand before you as an empty receptacle, not asking, just filling myself with your love, like the earth drenching itself in the blazing Sun.

if it be true that i have lived many lives, and loved many in those lives, and if it be true that this is my last life, then is it that You are my last and final love ? In this soul's long journey, are You the last and final love ?
(2006-06-23 11:52 AM)

Greater than universes together

2006-06-22 10:37 AM
Beloved Lord,
i thought i had put You and all this aside, and now You have come back. With a vengeance. With full force. Once again i feel you, and just you.

Only you can destroy me. oh beloved, i was right, how much you love me, you simply can't live without me. ooh, i can live with this love forever, just experiencing your love.

This is Yours beloved, all this is Yours. take it .. this mind and body and whatever is behind it, whatever is permanent, is all yours and it is You. The life inside me is yours and You, You are my very soul.

oh, how i love you.

yesterday, i was quite busy, with the children, taking them around town, and a hectic game in the evening ... . Yet, 'Hare Ramana and Hare Lakshmana' was going on, coming and going.

Today i wake up with You, and know that You are here.

i dont care what they say about the need of a living Guru, about ishta-devas. let them be, Here there is only You, what is this rubbish about living and non-living. There is only You. All there is, is your love.

ooh, (last August) you loved me so much that you destroyed me, but not altogether, you left some of me alive, so i could still try to love you back, so that i could pine for you, so i could enjoy your love. but instead of enjoying your love, i tried to love you back, i tried to reach out to You. And i suffered. How foolish I was.

I feel You in the air, in my bones, stronger than anything else. let this be the end, my Lord, let all this be yours. take over this body and mind and soul, and let it do your work. it certainly is not mine. Only You are mine, beloved. You are all i love. You are all there is.

Lord. let me love You till me last breath.

Lord, your love for me, is greater than Universes together.

what a fool i was all along, thinking i loved You. It was Your love for me, that I thought was my love for You!

Now what ?

This is how it is now. No desire at all. Even the desire for liberation is gone. And with it suffering - suffering due to longing for union with You.
I seem to be okay, unconcerned really. There is really no choice - why worry. How can I possible crave liberation. Liberation from what - when there is no worldly desire, then what am I bound to, what can i run from?

I don't know if this is a failure, have i given up, chickened out, -- I don't even care. This post is just for the record. I don't even care about the whole spiritual world, and seeking. No idea who was seeking, struggling.

I am neither the one who was once tied to the material world to some extent. Neither the one who became tied to the spiritual world for almost two years. Seems so vain - wanting enlightenment. So selfish, ... self-aggrandizement.

I know You are always there, You freed me from samsara, from craving, You will always be there for me. Why worry, why suffer, beloved Ramana.

There are thoughts here, but i don't care whether they come and go, I dont know if there really is anyone here, i suspect there is no one home. There is the occasional irritation, fear or discomfort. But i am unperturbed by it.

I have tried to think 'I am' to be in I-consciousness but the mind just doesn't go there. There's a barrier there. Tried meditating and doing 'Who Am I' but none cared.

Whatever change has happened, whatever effort was put in, was all You beloved One, You love me and put in the effort, You showered the grace. Now even the gratitude and love from me is no more overflowing. It seems as i would have to again be, in order to love and be grateful to You. There is no interest here in being again.

Oh for the record, 2-3 weeks ago, i said a prayer to Lord Shiva, on two days. I prayed to You Lord, to take over this body and mind, that I had finished with it completely, that i had no business with it any longer. That its all yours now. Take it or leave it. Since then there have been no prayers or anything. To do so would be like taking back the mind from the Lord, and using it. Now it's all Yours, I would not even pray to You to take it.

Now what ?
Nothing, just looking around, walking, playing, laughing, being blissful, nothing in particular. What a silly question!