Now what ?

This is how it is now. No desire at all. Even the desire for liberation is gone. And with it suffering - suffering due to longing for union with You.
I seem to be okay, unconcerned really. There is really no choice - why worry. How can I possible crave liberation. Liberation from what - when there is no worldly desire, then what am I bound to, what can i run from?

I don't know if this is a failure, have i given up, chickened out, -- I don't even care. This post is just for the record. I don't even care about the whole spiritual world, and seeking. No idea who was seeking, struggling.

I am neither the one who was once tied to the material world to some extent. Neither the one who became tied to the spiritual world for almost two years. Seems so vain - wanting enlightenment. So selfish, ... self-aggrandizement.

I know You are always there, You freed me from samsara, from craving, You will always be there for me. Why worry, why suffer, beloved Ramana.

There are thoughts here, but i don't care whether they come and go, I dont know if there really is anyone here, i suspect there is no one home. There is the occasional irritation, fear or discomfort. But i am unperturbed by it.

I have tried to think 'I am' to be in I-consciousness but the mind just doesn't go there. There's a barrier there. Tried meditating and doing 'Who Am I' but none cared.

Whatever change has happened, whatever effort was put in, was all You beloved One, You love me and put in the effort, You showered the grace. Now even the gratitude and love from me is no more overflowing. It seems as i would have to again be, in order to love and be grateful to You. There is no interest here in being again.

Oh for the record, 2-3 weeks ago, i said a prayer to Lord Shiva, on two days. I prayed to You Lord, to take over this body and mind, that I had finished with it completely, that i had no business with it any longer. That its all yours now. Take it or leave it. Since then there have been no prayers or anything. To do so would be like taking back the mind from the Lord, and using it. Now it's all Yours, I would not even pray to You to take it.

Now what ?
Nothing, just looking around, walking, playing, laughing, being blissful, nothing in particular. What a silly question!