I am looking out of these eyes, and wondering who is looking out. Then i wonder who is wondering.
The thought "I" comes, and i wonder who feels "I". Who experiences existence?
Another thought goes by, and it seems wierd, where did that thought come from? In this emptiness, where could a thought come from? There is this constant wondering, a thoughtless wondering.
Who is looking out?
Friday, May 12, 2006
Thursday, May 04, 2006
No desires, but no happiness either
It is now May, i managed to make it to the Ramanashram in April. Whatever few desires were there, fell off. The desire to eat is gone too, i follow the Buddhist diet of one meal a day, and have lost all hunger. And yet, there are thoughts, there are tears, there is immense suffering.
There is still the intense pain of separation from the Lord, the pain of being someone other than You, my Father, Ramana.
My time is spent in Self-Enquiry, i have recently started that. I also keep reading Ashtavakra's Gita. It is so lovely and soothing. I can hardly read anything else after reading that. I heard of Sri Lakshmana Swamy who is either at his ashram in Gudur, or living near the Ramanashramam in a place called Arunachala Hridayam. He realized the Self in 1949, at the age of 24, in the presence of Bhagavan Ramana.
I look at Lakshmana Swamy's photograph and feel so pulled by it, i wish to be in his presence, and to feel my beloved Father Ramana flowing out of him. I hear he leads a reclusive life.
So there it is, no "wordly" desires, but no happier than the rest, since the desire for liberation or God-union is as strong as any other desire. And desire causes suffering. And the desire for liberation is perhaps more intense than any other desire - see what lengths people go to for it.
Who is it who seeks liberation, who is it who feels he is bound?
There is still the intense pain of separation from the Lord, the pain of being someone other than You, my Father, Ramana.
My time is spent in Self-Enquiry, i have recently started that. I also keep reading Ashtavakra's Gita. It is so lovely and soothing. I can hardly read anything else after reading that. I heard of Sri Lakshmana Swamy who is either at his ashram in Gudur, or living near the Ramanashramam in a place called Arunachala Hridayam. He realized the Self in 1949, at the age of 24, in the presence of Bhagavan Ramana.
I look at Lakshmana Swamy's photograph and feel so pulled by it, i wish to be in his presence, and to feel my beloved Father Ramana flowing out of him. I hear he leads a reclusive life.
So there it is, no "wordly" desires, but no happier than the rest, since the desire for liberation or God-union is as strong as any other desire. And desire causes suffering. And the desire for liberation is perhaps more intense than any other desire - see what lengths people go to for it.
Who is it who seeks liberation, who is it who feels he is bound?
