This I-feeling, or simple, silent, self-awareness, is the stick that Bhagavan Ramana said is used to stir the burning pyre and in the end itself gets destroyed.
Pay attention to the awareness reading this. This is the I-feeling.
Or close your eyes, and notice your consciousness. This is the I-feeling or self-awareness.
Or, keep your mind still. This is self-awareness.
Or, be totally in the Now. Not a moment before or after. Is this not "me" ?
Or, focus on a plant, or object, or your hand. Now bring focus back to the awareness that is looking. Is this not yourself ? And yet not your mind or body! This is the "I" or I-feeling - a thoughtless feeling.
This has very often been experienced by us, everyday, every hour, even every minute, but overlooked since we (the mind) wanted something grander, something tangible, concrete. But now the mind is tired of things and experiences, it is open to observing this awareness that is just there.
The more we return to this awareness, the sweeter and more intimate it becomes, but that is not to say that anything has got added to it. It is still the same clear, unassociated awareness, but since the association with the mind is weakening, so our taste for this silence or stillness is increasing. Even this is just a mental way of trying to express it.
The beauty of being in this awareness without any story or weighty identity -- cannot be matched by any experience. No doubt, there still could be and must be a mental aspect judging this as beautiful, or pretending there is very little identity left. And yet none of this silence or stillness is new or created or manufactured. Its just as though (again mind trying to explain) this silence was never noticed, it was always there but I ignored it.
The reason I log this, is only to share the ease of Bhagavan's direct path, this is the easiest and most natural way. No prerequisites. We are only using what was always there, to take us to --- what was always there!
Wednesday, March 31, 2010
Be self-aware and still
Once Sri Ramana said the whole truth is contained in the words”Be Still”.
So if one is self-aware and still, one has grasped the method.
This path (attention to the "I"/ I-feeling) is the direct path; all others are indirect ways. (BAYA - DG, p110)
So if one is self-aware and still, one has grasped the method.
This path (attention to the "I"/ I-feeling) is the direct path; all others are indirect ways. (BAYA - DG, p110)
Tuesday, March 30, 2010
Books complicating the path of Bhagavan
A grudge i have against all these writers who write about Bhagavan's teachings. Entire volumes on Bhagavan's path, when Bhagavan only wanted us to remain as our I-feeling, or awareness, or to trace the "I" back to source.
Such books rather than do a service to seekers, delay seeking by:
(a) giving the seeker the impression that there is a lot to be understood before enquiry can be done, thus enquiry is a complex thing
(b) only after reading this and various other books should he be starting, otherwise he will start off with insufficient knowledge, thus delaying practice
(c) trapping seekers in a web of concepts
And so its not surprising that most of us are delaying self-enquiry or saying that we started and dropped it, or it never worked, or its only for advanced seekers, etc. Just opened a book that is 573 pages long, and it has only concepts for most of the 573 pages! I started it last year and dropped it midway. So today i jump to last chapter and after a lot of religious stuff, and warnings that it is difficult finally the author does mention "self-attention". Phew! Finally, after 550 pages or so. Thanks for taking thousands of readers through 550 pages of concepts on consciousness, finally to tell us that SE is difficult and requires God's grace and what-not.
I have the same to say for all the other books, anything that puts Bhagavan's path in more than a para or page is complicating it, and scaring people off. It scared me off for several years. Today, looking back, I find the truth in some of those books, however, embedded deep in the middle, hard to find, covered up and surrounded by all kinds of concepts and misconceptions since the authors never practiced themselves. Since the authors never felt the suffering or desire to free themselves of suffering enough to practice sincerely.
Such books rather than do a service to seekers, delay seeking by:
(a) giving the seeker the impression that there is a lot to be understood before enquiry can be done, thus enquiry is a complex thing
(b) only after reading this and various other books should he be starting, otherwise he will start off with insufficient knowledge, thus delaying practice
(c) trapping seekers in a web of concepts
And so its not surprising that most of us are delaying self-enquiry or saying that we started and dropped it, or it never worked, or its only for advanced seekers, etc. Just opened a book that is 573 pages long, and it has only concepts for most of the 573 pages! I started it last year and dropped it midway. So today i jump to last chapter and after a lot of religious stuff, and warnings that it is difficult finally the author does mention "self-attention". Phew! Finally, after 550 pages or so. Thanks for taking thousands of readers through 550 pages of concepts on consciousness, finally to tell us that SE is difficult and requires God's grace and what-not.
I have the same to say for all the other books, anything that puts Bhagavan's path in more than a para or page is complicating it, and scaring people off. It scared me off for several years. Today, looking back, I find the truth in some of those books, however, embedded deep in the middle, hard to find, covered up and surrounded by all kinds of concepts and misconceptions since the authors never practiced themselves. Since the authors never felt the suffering or desire to free themselves of suffering enough to practice sincerely.
Let it all end at your Feet
When death comes, let it be at Your Feet, O Beloved Father.
No matter what i have "suffered" in countless lifetimes, this whole drama or leela was worth it, if only for loving You and being loved by You.
Is this why You create all this, Father ? So surrender and bhakti can be experienced, so You can be destroyed in love. May all quickly find your Feet, Father. May all rejoice with You.
No matter what i have "suffered" in countless lifetimes, this whole drama or leela was worth it, if only for loving You and being loved by You.
Is this why You create all this, Father ? So surrender and bhakti can be experienced, so You can be destroyed in love. May all quickly find your Feet, Father. May all rejoice with You.
The choice: awareness or spirituality
Much better to remain in this simple awareness, than to keep reading "spiritual" stuff. This simple state is the natural state.
How strange that one missed it all these years, even after reading so much so-called spiritual stuff. One wonders whether the authors of all these tomes (weighty tomes on self-enquiry, haha) really recognized themselves while writing chapter after chapter about their own true nature.
Another thing that really hinders the seeker from the truth, or the sufferer from relief are all the so-called enlightenment experiences which most likely are all happening in the mind, inside the illusion. We expect and wish for such grand experiences, and reject awareness, since we believe those fantastic experiences must happen. But who would experience all those things ? Our awareness only - us only.
How strange that one missed it all these years, even after reading so much so-called spiritual stuff. One wonders whether the authors of all these tomes (weighty tomes on self-enquiry, haha) really recognized themselves while writing chapter after chapter about their own true nature.
Another thing that really hinders the seeker from the truth, or the sufferer from relief are all the so-called enlightenment experiences which most likely are all happening in the mind, inside the illusion. We expect and wish for such grand experiences, and reject awareness, since we believe those fantastic experiences must happen. But who would experience all those things ? Our awareness only - us only.
Monday, March 29, 2010
This awareness is the Self they told us to hold onto
2010-03-29 19:26
When Bhagavan and Annamalai Swami and others have been referring to
"holding onto the Self" and "I am there as your Self" etc, what used to
confuse me was that I have never experienced this Self which i imagined
to be some fantastic thing.
Today, its clear that it is the simple, silent awareness they were
speaking of. Hold onto the awareness or I-feeling. The simple, awareness
that is reading this at this moment. This simple awareness or I-feeling
which anyone can notice in an instant, is Bhagavan's Feet, it is
Bhagavan, it is the Self.
Perhaps, it was only my misunderstanding, or perhaps a translation
problem, or maybe they just did not have any other way of saying it, or
if they did I have been missing it all along.
Now I can see why Bhagavan simply refused to change his stance on the
path - even though others around Him insisted that "ordinary" people
could not understand the direct path. Because it is the easiest, most
natural sense, devoid of any concept or thinking, and thus available to
all - regardless of education, intelligence, "maturity" (whatever that
is).
As we pay attention to the awareness, the mind is clear, we are thought
free - so simple, no need to struggle to be thought-free in order to
meditate.
Once one is able to stay in awareness (with a few days of practice), then
when the question is asked: where is this "I" arising from, where did
you come from?, this question takes on a very real meaning, it is no
longer an intellectual or philosophical question.
As long as we identify with our mind-personality, this "who am i" can be
a very philosophical question, we may "think" we understand it. But when
the identification begins to shift to the ever-present
silence/stillness, then the question is very real and shocking.
Phew! I wasted so many years thinking this awareness was not the Self
that was being spoken of.
When Bhagavan and Annamalai Swami and others have been referring to
"holding onto the Self" and "I am there as your Self" etc, what used to
confuse me was that I have never experienced this Self which i imagined
to be some fantastic thing.
Today, its clear that it is the simple, silent awareness they were
speaking of. Hold onto the awareness or I-feeling. The simple, awareness
that is reading this at this moment. This simple awareness or I-feeling
which anyone can notice in an instant, is Bhagavan's Feet, it is
Bhagavan, it is the Self.
Perhaps, it was only my misunderstanding, or perhaps a translation
problem, or maybe they just did not have any other way of saying it, or
if they did I have been missing it all along.
Now I can see why Bhagavan simply refused to change his stance on the
path - even though others around Him insisted that "ordinary" people
could not understand the direct path. Because it is the easiest, most
natural sense, devoid of any concept or thinking, and thus available to
all - regardless of education, intelligence, "maturity" (whatever that
is).
As we pay attention to the awareness, the mind is clear, we are thought
free - so simple, no need to struggle to be thought-free in order to
meditate.
Once one is able to stay in awareness (with a few days of practice), then
when the question is asked: where is this "I" arising from, where did
you come from?, this question takes on a very real meaning, it is no
longer an intellectual or philosophical question.
As long as we identify with our mind-personality, this "who am i" can be
a very philosophical question, we may "think" we understand it. But when
the identification begins to shift to the ever-present
silence/stillness, then the question is very real and shocking.
Phew! I wasted so many years thinking this awareness was not the Self
that was being spoken of.
Mind creates doubts on true nature ...
Here's a piece i came across, that explains what's going on:
Source.
An essential aspect of awakening is knowing your true nature without any doubt.
The doubt leads to questioning. The questioning leads to re-identification with our limited lives and inherent suffering.
Because the silent awareness is subtle at first, we can doubt its absolute presence. The mind is very active as it constantly questions in an attempt find something concrete. So doubt, even after clear recognition, is very common. Thus re-identification with a story about a life is very common. So how can we move past this doubt?
From what we have heard or read we may have a belief that there is a grand moment when we suddenly know our true nature without doubt. This may have happened to some, but this is not necessary.
Knowing without any doubt comes from multiple confirming moments, when we recognize our true nature independent of our circumstances. We recognize the unchanging presence when we are healthy or sick, happy or sad, tired or refreshed. We recognize this constant presence. This regular testing following the initial recognition of our true self solidifies our knowledge of our true nature.
We recognize how the silent awareness is untouched by sadness or happiness. It is not sad or happy. It cannot be tired or ill or agitated. It is. Always the same. And when this is repeatedly acknowledged, a transformation unfolds from the core of your being.
Knowing without any doubt transforms one's identity from limited, vulnerable and subject to change to the universal identity, free from change, from circumstances and from the world.
And this knowing without doubt allows all the other moments of identification with a life or a story to diminish. Moments of identification with life will arise, but they can’t take root the way they used to. You can no longer believe in the story when the suffering begins.
It is like when we dream, and think the dream is absolutely real. We also take the stories about our lives as absolutely real. However, when we totally identify with our true nature, we no longer consider the dream or the story to be real. It is like the movie on the screen. We can enjoy the movie and get involved in the movie, but it no longer has any permanent hold on our lives.
This is the great value of the essential process of multiple confirmations of our true nature following the initial recognition of Self. All doubt is eliminated. And the stories which arise are recognized as stories all happening from and within our permanent, true nature.
Source.
Sunday, March 28, 2010
Give me strength, O Father
Father,
Give me strength not to fall for mind games. Strength to remain in thought-free awareness, strength not to be distracted, to follow your path correctly(*) and not be fooled by any sensation or what is not real. Strength to reach you and be absorbed into You, O beloved Ramana.
Nothing else matters, Father. Let my yearning for union be strong and not waver for a moment.
(* I read a piece by Michael Langford who says that many paths sound similar but are not the direct path. They are paths created by the ego to delay. To me, the awareness looking at this page is the I-feeling, and it is the Now or what i feel when I stay in the Now. Being in the Now (E Tolle) is also a way of getting back to awareness when diverted. Paying attention to this awareness or I-feeling is what you also asked us to do, i hope).
The I-feeling or self-awareness is so evident as the "saviour" or "path", one is already in awareness, so natural, unlike the hazy, wavering, mental state.
A few days back the awareness that kept asserting itself, it was so clear that my identity had realigned with it. Now suddenly, that identity has worn off. Either the mind is trying to take it back, or the novelty is wearing off, I am not sure what is happening. I am trying to remind myself that the awareness is me, not anything else. Still, i am increasing the amount of time I spend in awareness. I don't see any going back, there is no desire left to get busy doing things the mind/body was interested in earlier.
Give me strength not to fall for mind games. Strength to remain in thought-free awareness, strength not to be distracted, to follow your path correctly(*) and not be fooled by any sensation or what is not real. Strength to reach you and be absorbed into You, O beloved Ramana.
Nothing else matters, Father. Let my yearning for union be strong and not waver for a moment.
(* I read a piece by Michael Langford who says that many paths sound similar but are not the direct path. They are paths created by the ego to delay. To me, the awareness looking at this page is the I-feeling, and it is the Now or what i feel when I stay in the Now. Being in the Now (E Tolle) is also a way of getting back to awareness when diverted. Paying attention to this awareness or I-feeling is what you also asked us to do, i hope).
The I-feeling or self-awareness is so evident as the "saviour" or "path", one is already in awareness, so natural, unlike the hazy, wavering, mental state.
A few days back the awareness that kept asserting itself, it was so clear that my identity had realigned with it. Now suddenly, that identity has worn off. Either the mind is trying to take it back, or the novelty is wearing off, I am not sure what is happening. I am trying to remind myself that the awareness is me, not anything else. Still, i am increasing the amount of time I spend in awareness. I don't see any going back, there is no desire left to get busy doing things the mind/body was interested in earlier.
Saturday, March 27, 2010
Remain in awareness
2010-03-27 20:49
Now is the time to remain in awareness, in the Now. Not to let the mind
try to create doubts as to identity. The mind is trying to create a lot of thoughts and pull me back into a story, or to make me doubt whether the awareness is really me, or there should be something vastly greater or grander that is me. Trying to disidentify me from stillness.
Trying to make enquiry a mental process again.
I must silently stay in awareness for a week or 2 more till i spend more and more time effortlessly in awareness before i try enquiring or
questioning. (Till a day or so ago. awareness had almost become second-nature, but now the mind is fighting back!)
Ignore distractions, ignore emotions, other feeling of joy, bliss, love
etc. If they are real, they will remain upon further stillness or
enquiry. No hurry.
Now is the time to remain in awareness, in the Now. Not to let the mind
try to create doubts as to identity. The mind is trying to create a lot of thoughts and pull me back into a story, or to make me doubt whether the awareness is really me, or there should be something vastly greater or grander that is me. Trying to disidentify me from stillness.
Trying to make enquiry a mental process again.
I must silently stay in awareness for a week or 2 more till i spend more and more time effortlessly in awareness before i try enquiring or
questioning. (Till a day or so ago. awareness had almost become second-nature, but now the mind is fighting back!)
Ignore distractions, ignore emotions, other feeling of joy, bliss, love
etc. If they are real, they will remain upon further stillness or
enquiry. No hurry.
Friday, March 26, 2010
Who sees the I-feeling (awareness)
2010-03-26 19:30
So it seems the I-feeling is not the real I, although it certainly seems so. After all, the I-feeling comes and goes, and something sees it has passed and a thought has come in. and then something notices that the awareness or consciousness has come back.
Is this a mind game ?
Who sees this, Bhagavan might ask us to investigate.
Nisargadatta Maharaj says:
So it seems the I-feeling is not the real I, although it certainly seems so. After all, the I-feeling comes and goes, and something sees it has passed and a thought has come in. and then something notices that the awareness or consciousness has come back.
Is this a mind game ?
Who sees this, Bhagavan might ask us to investigate.
Nisargadatta Maharaj says:
Realize once for all that neither your body nor your mind, nor even your consciousness is yourself and stand alone in your true nature beyond consciousness and unconsciousness.
Thursday, March 25, 2010
You are right here, in awareness, holding my hand
I now spend time sitting in awareness. Could have some recording on (about awareness, or enquiry) or some soft music on. Often i just look at my feet or legs as i sit on a chair, with back straight, not resting back.
I also walk quite a bit in the park, keeping in awareness. Awareness is normal, its me. So its not a sadhana any longer. its not effort. its just being me.
I do focus back, and see who is in this awareness, or who is behind all
this, who is moving in and out of awareness. who is moving from awareness to thought and then back to awareness. who just asked this question.
How much love this universe or Self or our Master must have for us, that
it gives us this gift of awareness.
2010-03-25 14:46
Whenever i am awareness, whenever i am present, I know You are here,
holding my hand. I no longer have to keep calling out to You to help, and wondering if you are really carrying me along.
Awareness is proof that You are here and with me.
Till three days or so ago, I used to beg you for physical death, for an end, i stopped believing that there was anything other than body identification. I thought it was all a hoax. Now i am so light, no worries, no concerns, now i look at You and laugh, look at you in a different way. Oh, how silly of me to doubt you. How mischievous you are, Father.
2010-03-25 18:24
I was so afraid as to how i would live the next 40 or so years. So
utterly terrified. Now that awareness is setting in, and recognized as
I, the fear is gone. I am fine.
Spent a few hours walking in the park, aware. Thoughts do come and go,
but I am not concerned or disturbed. The identification with thought is
weakening, more of a habit i guess. Awareness comes back always, no
reminders necessary, No "oh my God, i forgot to be aware for so long".
It just comes right back.
Thank you so much O Father, for listening. The relief is great. I don't
know how the error happened, but thankfully it's a thing of the past.
I also walk quite a bit in the park, keeping in awareness. Awareness is normal, its me. So its not a sadhana any longer. its not effort. its just being me.
I do focus back, and see who is in this awareness, or who is behind all
this, who is moving in and out of awareness. who is moving from awareness to thought and then back to awareness. who just asked this question.
How much love this universe or Self or our Master must have for us, that
it gives us this gift of awareness.
2010-03-25 14:46
Whenever i am awareness, whenever i am present, I know You are here,
holding my hand. I no longer have to keep calling out to You to help, and wondering if you are really carrying me along.
Awareness is proof that You are here and with me.
Till three days or so ago, I used to beg you for physical death, for an end, i stopped believing that there was anything other than body identification. I thought it was all a hoax. Now i am so light, no worries, no concerns, now i look at You and laugh, look at you in a different way. Oh, how silly of me to doubt you. How mischievous you are, Father.
2010-03-25 18:24
I was so afraid as to how i would live the next 40 or so years. So
utterly terrified. Now that awareness is setting in, and recognized as
I, the fear is gone. I am fine.
Spent a few hours walking in the park, aware. Thoughts do come and go,
but I am not concerned or disturbed. The identification with thought is
weakening, more of a habit i guess. Awareness comes back always, no
reminders necessary, No "oh my God, i forgot to be aware for so long".
It just comes right back.
Thank you so much O Father, for listening. The relief is great. I don't
know how the error happened, but thankfully it's a thing of the past.
Wednesday, March 24, 2010
The sweetness of silence
Now there is a sweetness and intimacy to the awareness (or I-am, or present moment).
It (I actually!) was always there, I reached it (myself) a million times but never recognized it.
Mental note: I have to stop calling it "it". It's me.
It (I actually!) was always there, I reached it (myself) a million times but never recognized it.
Mental note: I have to stop calling it "it". It's me.
Saturday, March 20, 2010
Present Moment
2010-03-20 10:03
I am pushed repeatedly into awareness or presence, like there is no alternative now, nowhere else to run, no other escapes or shortcuts. This is where anything is to be found, if anything. Even You my Father, if to be found anywhere will only be found in this moment.
And at the same time, for the last few months, is this bursting in the heart -- this explosion of love and that is just increasing. It frightens me at times, as to where it might lead. Is it something selfish, disguised as something selfless, or is it your will.
So my days are alternating between being in the present, and tears of love, and being completely overwhelmed and shaken by this thing.
I am pushed repeatedly into awareness or presence, like there is no alternative now, nowhere else to run, no other escapes or shortcuts. This is where anything is to be found, if anything. Even You my Father, if to be found anywhere will only be found in this moment.
And at the same time, for the last few months, is this bursting in the heart -- this explosion of love and that is just increasing. It frightens me at times, as to where it might lead. Is it something selfish, disguised as something selfless, or is it your will.
So my days are alternating between being in the present, and tears of love, and being completely overwhelmed and shaken by this thing.
Thursday, March 18, 2010
May we have courage, Father
May we have courage, like the great Mirabai, to not give up, to not lose hope in You, O Father.
Here is a link that moved me. Some beautiful paintings of her. She endured torture and scandals by relatives, but still did not give up faith in You.
Chittorgarh Online Photo Gallery.
Here is a link that moved me. Some beautiful paintings of her. She endured torture and scandals by relatives, but still did not give up faith in You.
Chittorgarh Online Photo Gallery.
Tuesday, March 16, 2010
You have given so much, O Father
2010-03-16 11:50
Lord,
What can i complain to You.
You have given _so_ much.
Most of all is the gift of awareness. Of silence, which shows us what is
real and what is not, and that ends almost all suffering.
Then there is Your love, having served You, and always being loved by
You. O Ramana! What can possibly be greater than being in love with You?
And now, there is this which is happening ... I can only sit in utter
disbelief and amazement as You give more than can ever have been
imagined.
I know that You will always protect those who have turned themselves
over to You. Even if our surrender is not complete. Even if our love is
far from perfect. However, there are some today whose lives and future
are in danger. There are some who are being wronged more than others and may not be in a position to protect themselves. I pray to You to fully
protect your child devotees.
Lord,
What can i complain to You.
You have given _so_ much.
Most of all is the gift of awareness. Of silence, which shows us what is
real and what is not, and that ends almost all suffering.
Then there is Your love, having served You, and always being loved by
You. O Ramana! What can possibly be greater than being in love with You?
And now, there is this which is happening ... I can only sit in utter
disbelief and amazement as You give more than can ever have been
imagined.
I know that You will always protect those who have turned themselves
over to You. Even if our surrender is not complete. Even if our love is
far from perfect. However, there are some today whose lives and future
are in danger. There are some who are being wronged more than others and may not be in a position to protect themselves. I pray to You to fully
protect your child devotees.
