This awareness is the Self they told us to hold onto

2010-03-29 19:26

When Bhagavan and Annamalai Swami and others have been referring to
"holding onto the Self" and "I am there as your Self" etc, what used to
confuse me was that I have never experienced this Self which i imagined
to be some fantastic thing.

Today, its clear that it is the simple, silent awareness they were
speaking of. Hold onto the awareness or I-feeling. The simple, awareness
that is reading this at this moment. This simple awareness or I-feeling
which anyone can notice in an instant, is Bhagavan's Feet, it is
Bhagavan, it is the Self.

Perhaps, it was only my misunderstanding, or perhaps a translation
problem, or maybe they just did not have any other way of saying it, or
if they did I have been missing it all along.

Now I can see why Bhagavan simply refused to change his stance on the
path - even though others around Him insisted that "ordinary" people
could not understand the direct path. Because it is the easiest, most
natural sense, devoid of any concept or thinking, and thus available to
all - regardless of education, intelligence, "maturity" (whatever that
is).

As we pay attention to the awareness, the mind is clear, we are thought
free - so simple, no need to struggle to be thought-free in order to
meditate.

Once one is able to stay in awareness (with a few days of practice), then
when the question is asked: where is this "I" arising from, where did
you come from?, this question takes on a very real meaning, it is no
longer an intellectual or philosophical question.

As long as we identify with our mind-personality, this "who am i" can be
a very philosophical question, we may "think" we understand it. But when
the identification begins to shift to the ever-present
silence/stillness, then the question is very real and shocking.

Phew! I wasted so many years thinking this awareness was not the Self
that was being spoken of.