i love Thee Lord, i love thee i love thee
i don't have enough tears to shed for you
i don't have enough lives to serve you with
to put at your feet
i am just a little atom of love
in front of your vastness
O Lord Holy and Pure!
Destroy me so utterly
that i may never be again!
O Lord Holy and Pure!
Who are you?
Whose feet i love, so.
Who are you, destroying me bit by bit
and not in one stroke
Let me die at Your Feet
Beloved
Let me die anywhere -- all is Your Feet
anyway.
Our lives are a century apart
and yet you hold my soul so tightly
Yet you love me so, that i have lost all
in your love.
What is this mystery?
It seems i was made to gaze at Thee
to murmur Thy holy name
to be destroyed by Thy love
and nothing else.
There is nothing else i can look at
nothing else i can love
nothing else that matters.
20070330 22:46:07
Saturday, March 31, 2007
Thursday, March 29, 2007
Forgive me, beloved
O Father
whose dear Feet my head lies nestled in at all times
Forgive me!
today i took the liberty of complaining about You
to Grandfather Arunachala.
You may hear from Him.
I accused You of stealing my heart and hiding with it
leaving me desolate
for want of Thee
Forgive me beloved
I love Thee too much
I have lost my senses!
The longing is intense
for Thee
for the nectar of Thy eyes
and thy gentle palm
and the soles of Thy feet caressing my crown
I ask you not for my heart back
Beloved Father
I ask you to steal ALL of me
in entirety, leaving nothing.
Lord Supreme
whose name sends gushes of joy thru me
i know your presence, your coming in front of me
will totally kill me.
and i am ready for death without reservation, complete and total and irrevocable death.
i am ready, in fact craving, complete annihilation
whose dear Feet my head lies nestled in at all times
Forgive me!
today i took the liberty of complaining about You
to Grandfather Arunachala.
You may hear from Him.
I accused You of stealing my heart and hiding with it
leaving me desolate
for want of Thee
Forgive me beloved
I love Thee too much
I have lost my senses!
The longing is intense
for Thee
for the nectar of Thy eyes
and thy gentle palm
and the soles of Thy feet caressing my crown
I ask you not for my heart back
Beloved Father
I ask you to steal ALL of me
in entirety, leaving nothing.
Lord Supreme
whose name sends gushes of joy thru me
i know your presence, your coming in front of me
will totally kill me.
and i am ready for death without reservation, complete and total and irrevocable death.
i am ready, in fact craving, complete annihilation
Grieve not, O Arunachala
Grieve not O Arunachala
I know how you feel
since my Father
the glorious Ramana left you
For fifty years
His Feet
kissed your cheeks
How joyous you were
Till Shiva stole Him from you.
snatched Him away to His lair!
Share your sorrow with me
O Arunachala,
He is my Father, your dear Son.
The loss is mine too.
I remember Him each moment
my Beloved Ramana
who came to you when still a boy.
Today i stand alone
fatherless
Dear Arunachala
child of your child
Give me my father
let me rejoice too
He stole my heart
and then stood back
is He hiding in the shadows
or testing me?
What is expected of me
Arunachala, my grandfather!
O Arunachala
my heart has melted
my soul has melted
my body withers away
but my Father still hides from me
He will listen to Thee, O Lord
He followed your command once
O Arunachala
I want my Father
I want Him now
this very moment
no other moment will do
no promises
no conditions
no more lurking in the shadows
no 'not just yets'
O Arunachala
I hand back this body, this mind
this soul
my life and all there is
all this is Yours
give me my Loving Lord
who has stolen my heart and run away!
... Nothing yet ...
no response!
I sit here, the same as ever
O Arunachala, you sit unmoved
My Father laughs
clutching my stolen heart
behind some tree or rock
knowing not my pain.
Does no one care, O Arunachala?
Is there no one to hear of this child
for his father?
And so, prayers unheeded,
the wait goes on ...
I know how you feel
since my Father
the glorious Ramana left you
For fifty years
His Feet
kissed your cheeks
How joyous you were
Till Shiva stole Him from you.
snatched Him away to His lair!
Share your sorrow with me
O Arunachala,
He is my Father, your dear Son.
The loss is mine too.
I remember Him each moment
my Beloved Ramana
who came to you when still a boy.
Today i stand alone
fatherless
Dear Arunachala
child of your child
Give me my father
let me rejoice too
He stole my heart
and then stood back
is He hiding in the shadows
or testing me?
What is expected of me
Arunachala, my grandfather!
O Arunachala
my heart has melted
my soul has melted
my body withers away
but my Father still hides from me
He will listen to Thee, O Lord
He followed your command once
O Arunachala
I want my Father
I want Him now
this very moment
no other moment will do
no promises
no conditions
no more lurking in the shadows
no 'not just yets'
O Arunachala
I hand back this body, this mind
this soul
my life and all there is
all this is Yours
give me my Loving Lord
who has stolen my heart and run away!
... Nothing yet ...
no response!
I sit here, the same as ever
O Arunachala, you sit unmoved
My Father laughs
clutching my stolen heart
behind some tree or rock
knowing not my pain.
Does no one care, O Arunachala?
Is there no one to hear of this child
for his father?
And so, prayers unheeded,
the wait goes on ...
God is Born
my Lord walks past me
lost in thought
kicking a pebble absently
He goes to school to learn a lesson He will never need
my lord sees me not
He knows me not
as yet
i watch hidden
falling on the ground as He goes past
lost in some childish thought
He too would think me mad!
He has come not the learn
but to teach
to teach love and mercy
to bring joy into all hearts
and vanquish suffering!
Burden Him not
with lessons and mores
my dear Father
still a child
unknowing ...
of the Great Flood that will come
Fate has waited long, it waits a little longer...
My little Lord
moves His books from one hand to the other
Knowing little that this ground will be worshipped
knowing little that Shiva waits in ambush.
Arunachala will awaken from His long slumber soon
Mankind will rejoice
The Red Mountain will end its lonely wait
for companionship
Day will break upon Arunachala
My little Lord
joy of this soul
life of this life
turns the bend
and goes out of sight
but never out of my heart!
Never for a moment does my head
rise
above those Feet
which will trod
unshod one day
on Mother Earth
How joyous am I
God is born
The bud is about to flower!
(circa 1896. The Lost memoirs)
lost in thought
kicking a pebble absently
He goes to school to learn a lesson He will never need
my lord sees me not
He knows me not
as yet
i watch hidden
falling on the ground as He goes past
lost in some childish thought
He too would think me mad!
He has come not the learn
but to teach
to teach love and mercy
to bring joy into all hearts
and vanquish suffering!
Burden Him not
with lessons and mores
my dear Father
still a child
unknowing ...
of the Great Flood that will come
Fate has waited long, it waits a little longer...
My little Lord
moves His books from one hand to the other
Knowing little that this ground will be worshipped
knowing little that Shiva waits in ambush.
Arunachala will awaken from His long slumber soon
Mankind will rejoice
The Red Mountain will end its lonely wait
for companionship
Day will break upon Arunachala
My little Lord
joy of this soul
life of this life
turns the bend
and goes out of sight
but never out of my heart!
Never for a moment does my head
rise
above those Feet
which will trod
unshod one day
on Mother Earth
How joyous am I
God is born
The bud is about to flower!
(circa 1896. The Lost memoirs)
Consoling Mother
From "The Lost Memoirs", circa 1897
CONSOLING MOTHER
-------------------------------
O Mother!
Grieve not, dear Mother!
Your son is a King, an Emperor! He has ascended the throne of Arunagiri.
Not far from here, in Tiruvannamalai,
sits your son, the Lord Arunachala,
ruler of this world
on His mountain throne.
I see Him now
in my mind's eye
ever joyous
ever glowing
the child King
my very own Father
the final conqueror of darkness
the slayer of sorrow and suffering.
Today the beloved cherubic son of the world
Tomorrow He will be its Father.
Fold your hands and take His name
O Mother,
The dark dweller in Venkat
is my Beloved Father
The Father of this soul
of this heart
of all there is and will ever be.
The little boy
with limpid eyes
is Krishna and Siva both
the creator and destroyer
God Himself in human form.
Rejoice dear mother
the one you nursed
is the Lord Himself
Fruit of your penance.
Your saviour to be.
20070328 17:19:46
CONSOLING MOTHER
-------------------------------
O Mother!
Grieve not, dear Mother!
Your son is a King, an Emperor! He has ascended the throne of Arunagiri.
Not far from here, in Tiruvannamalai,
sits your son, the Lord Arunachala,
ruler of this world
on His mountain throne.
I see Him now
in my mind's eye
ever joyous
ever glowing
the child King
my very own Father
the final conqueror of darkness
the slayer of sorrow and suffering.
Today the beloved cherubic son of the world
Tomorrow He will be its Father.
Fold your hands and take His name
O Mother,
The dark dweller in Venkat
is my Beloved Father
The Father of this soul
of this heart
of all there is and will ever be.
The little boy
with limpid eyes
is Krishna and Siva both
the creator and destroyer
God Himself in human form.
Rejoice dear mother
the one you nursed
is the Lord Himself
Fruit of your penance.
Your saviour to be.
20070328 17:19:46
Friday, March 23, 2007
When?
2007-03-23 16:50:48
Most of the time I just look out of the window, at the trees and the patches of sky, wondering when will all this end?
When will the wait be over?
When will i leave this body and this world, no longer fascinating, and be totally with You.
In complete silence, in nothingness, where there is no perception, no thought, no disturbance, just eternal stillness.
The trees outside the window, fluttering in the breeze, I look at them as one stares at a cheap lifeless painting of scenery bought from the flea market. Lifeless, meaningless, so dead.
Sounds of people quarelling, horns blaring, like images of some world long destroyed, like ghost images.
All of this like a TV serial by an amateur, dragging on and on day after day, no end in sight, no plot, being stretched out most pathetically ... you see the futility of it, but no one else does.
Most of the time I just look out of the window, at the trees and the patches of sky, wondering when will all this end?
When will the wait be over?
When will i leave this body and this world, no longer fascinating, and be totally with You.
In complete silence, in nothingness, where there is no perception, no thought, no disturbance, just eternal stillness.
The trees outside the window, fluttering in the breeze, I look at them as one stares at a cheap lifeless painting of scenery bought from the flea market. Lifeless, meaningless, so dead.
Sounds of people quarelling, horns blaring, like images of some world long destroyed, like ghost images.
All of this like a TV serial by an amateur, dragging on and on day after day, no end in sight, no plot, being stretched out most pathetically ... you see the futility of it, but no one else does.
Tuesday, March 13, 2007
So much Joy, so few takers
I arose from You, I return to You.
Perhaps I will realize the Self in another life. Or perhaps as these rags fall off.
Who cares?
One thing is certain, no matter what happens, no matter how many births I take, I will never be apart from You. There shall never be separation again. I lived in uncontainable joy, I die in uncontainable joy.
You have as per my prayers, welded me to Your Feet, that we are one.
How could i have ever imagined that we were apart. that we were two.
A thousand kisses to You, joy of my heart, life of my soul, Arunachala Ramana, who art the very Self.
Perhaps I will realize the Self in another life. Or perhaps as these rags fall off.
Who cares?
One thing is certain, no matter what happens, no matter how many births I take, I will never be apart from You. There shall never be separation again. I lived in uncontainable joy, I die in uncontainable joy.
You have as per my prayers, welded me to Your Feet, that we are one.
How could i have ever imagined that we were apart. that we were two.
A thousand kisses to You, joy of my heart, life of my soul, Arunachala Ramana, who art the very Self.
Sunday, March 11, 2007
One life not enough to love You
One life is not long enough to love you, my Lord.
Not enough to tire of taking and hearing Thy name.
Of looking at You.
Of blowing kisses to You. Of drinking the endless love that flows out of your eyes.
Arunachala Siva - a mystery
Arunachala Siva-Ramana is some really strange mystery.
Through the ages, He has come and claimed people, smothering them with His love, till they could take no more. There are many such in this world ... walking around and trying to live in a state of complete inebriation.
This, here, is the story, and insane rantings of just another such hapless/helpless soul, totally destroyed by and in the love of the most gracious Arunachala Ramana.
Oh Lord, let me drown and be destroyed in this joyous Aksharamana Malai, this most joyous Marital Garland of Letters (which you composed to destroy us)!
Through the ages, He has come and claimed people, smothering them with His love, till they could take no more. There are many such in this world ... walking around and trying to live in a state of complete inebriation.
This, here, is the story, and insane rantings of just another such hapless/helpless soul, totally destroyed by and in the love of the most gracious Arunachala Ramana.
Oh Lord, let me drown and be destroyed in this joyous Aksharamana Malai, this most joyous Marital Garland of Letters (which you composed to destroy us)!
Drunk in love
What does one do in life now? One i so inebriated with joy, you are never apart.
You are so all-pervading.
Hearing your name in the AMM sends waves of love and bliss through me.
Oh i could happily die, what more is there?
Your names just kill me, like a knife slashing thru me, a sword of love.
"Arunachala Siva" ...
Oh let me die hearing this ...
Were we ever apart?
You have smothered me with so much love, that i am almost dead. Now just one last smother!
Let it be over, Lord!
You are so all-pervading.
Hearing your name in the AMM sends waves of love and bliss through me.
Oh i could happily die, what more is there?
Your names just kill me, like a knife slashing thru me, a sword of love.
"Arunachala Siva" ...
Oh let me die hearing this ...
Like Alaga and Sundara let I and You be inseparable.
Were we ever apart?
You have smothered me with so much love, that i am almost dead. Now just one last smother!
Let it be over, Lord!
Saturday, March 10, 2007
What can I possible ask for?
20070310 21:08:44
What can i say, Lord? What can one possibly ask for?
If all the love in the universe were to be put together, it would not match a fraction of your love for me. Such is your love for this little child of yours.
What can i say? What can i possibly ask for, Glorious Arunachala?
You stole my heart. You tethered me to Your Feet.
Is there anything greater than this? No. I have the greatest and most joyous gift of all.
Of all the love in this world, the love of the Feet of the Lord is the most joyous.
Friday, March 09, 2007
October 10, 1988
... When will the grand design reveal itself? When will this mad, horizonless search end? When will the unmistakable sign come? ...
Place: Bikaner, Rajasthan. Excert from 10/10/1988
Thursday, March 08, 2007
I arose from You
I arose from You, and I am returning to You.
Do not worry beloved Self, beloved Father.
Do not worry beloved Self, beloved Father.
