I know you will keep taking up form, to be close to me, as long as I am in this body.
Your loss has changed me, I fear forever. Never will I be the happy carefree person I was. I used to think I was the happiest person in the world, and I still think I was. Even when I smile at someone there will always be the shadow of your loss. I know your sister is still with me, but whenever she is with me, or I look at her, or think of her, I look with worry. If you could be taken away, then what about her. I worry now for her, too. Even more so since someone hit her on the eye the other day and she's been unable to open it (it is slightly better though).
The world will never be the same again. I am done with this world.
Just think of the suffering that millions have endured, losing their loved ones in accidents, needless wars, disease, etc. It is amazing that people don't struggle to liberate themselves even after so much suffering. It is amazing that everyone puts up with these horrors year after year, and just keep going on.
Beloved one, I promise you that i shall try to remain centered, in the present moment, in awareness at all times. There is nothing worthwhile to think about really, other than to remember you -- to just be silent.
Tonight, I was just walking with your family, your sister was walking in front of me in an alley, for a moment I thought it was you, she looked just like you. Today I was reminded of the story of an old lady devotee of Krishna who had one cow she loved. He took away that beloved cow from her, so she could completely focus on Him and reach him. The cow was the only hurdle to her liberation.
