Where are you, Father, in awareness ?

There is a growing clarity that the "I" is just something/someone that arises in awareness. On some days it is clear and effortless and joyous. Other days, it can be difficult, with the "I" hitting back.

But more and more is the realization, that the "I" or mind is powerless to do anything. No matter what, awareness is always there, unaffected. And then there is this nagging question or looking back, as to who is experiencing all this, even this awareness.

O Master, why do you hold back ? Why dither, why wait and watch. You promised to swallow us whole, did you not ? Why let us suffer in this illusion -- just destroy what's left so one can be free. I am not afraid, i promise you, of totally losing the personality, the identity, the mind. It really doesn't matter any longer, I don't have any investment in it. Nothing more to please me there. It's over.

Where are you in the awareness, Beloved Father, where are you hiding, when will I know for sure that we have united ???