Looking within - where is all this going

2010-04-04 22:48

Strange. During and after my evening walk things have changed a bit. Rather than abiding in awareness, i seem to be in an awareness that is looking back to see what is experiencing all this. Is this adding something to pure awareness, if so is it sort-of an unspoken thought. Or a wondering, or is it a silent thought-free enquiry. But i can say that it does not have the clouded property of being in mind-awareness, it is clear, it is watchful, attentive. It is like "what is aware", "who is experiencing" except that no question is asked. One is abiding in this attentive state. It seems to be urgent, a need to know what is behind this, where is all this input going.

I was sitting with guests (Chhota and family! six months old and adorable), and my eyes were trying to take a step back. While walking in the park, the feeling at the feet, and whatever my eyes were seeing, instead of eyes focusing just on a tiny portion of the ground, they were taking in as much of the trees and scenery and looking back as to where this is going.

Update: 2010-04-05 20:11 - I think for the moment i should just stick with the old "being in awareness" thing, no improvising.