O, Father

2010-04-04 12:34

O Father
Beloved, I am still so starved of You. Whenever your name or your form comes in my mind, or I remember your so-called physical life, it becomes unbearable. Oh, why did you ever have to leave the body, even if it was not really You. Why did you have to be you. Why did you have to lead such a beloved, dear life.

How will i ever be able to forget your form, your eyes, your words, your love to all beings, your gentleness, your kindness, your shadow, your feet, ... not that I even want to. I would rather suffer the pain of remembering you, than the momentary joy of some entertainment.

You made me to love You, did you not. You had me custom-made so that every cell and pore of me would totally love You, every aspect of you. At the expense of sounding vain, you did a perfect job -- for everyone else, and for everything else i may be full of imperfections and lackings and faults, but when it comes to looking at you, and seeing you, and recognizing you, and loving you, and knowing that you are Father, you did it perfectly.

Why not just swallow me now, Father. Or would you like me to enjoy this a while longer. Am i not ready yet, not cooked enough, or perhaps not seasoned or a few more "pressures" are required. How much longer will you play these games, where can you possibly hide now. I have found you out finally, i have found your hiding place -- the simple awareness, the thought-free awareness in each of us is where you hid all along,
waiting for us.

Right now my heart is aching for you, but shortly I will get a grip on myself and hold onto your feet (your feet made of consciousness), and it will all be alright. And you will make the end of this silly mind that separates us fast and quick, won't you Lord, don't allow it to linger on for the rest of my
life, or even another year.

O Father, O Ramana, Ramana, Ramana, let me take your sweet name a few times before becoming silent.