Attention as "I"

There is this attention. The attention is on awareness, then it is on thoughts or feelings, then again on awareness. I interpret it as "I am aware, or I am in awareness, now I am in thought".

So is (this) awareness an object. And what is attention ? Is this also an object with someone watching it. Can I be the attention ? I think i am observing attention.

This question "who is seeing all this?"  has really grabbed me. There is this investigation going on, that is almost poignant (?), sometimes I feel i am going to burst into tears, since there really seems to be no way of my looking back as to where sight or experience is coming from. There is a helplessness, a ... tragic feeling to it. Consciousness trying to examine itself ... From where has it arisen?

All i can do at such moments is just finally come back into awareness. Yet, Papaji does in one video tell us to retrace our steps back. So it can be done.

I really deeply need to know who I am, and I do not mean in terms of some limited identity or person. But who is this who is conscious. From where is it. I don't care if i blow up in finding out, or it all vaporizes, or the silly "I" dies. I don't care what happens as long as the question is put to rest.

Why it feels tragic or poignant is because its like an orphan trying to figure out who gave birth to him. Where does he start. No one knows. And yet, that's all he wants to know. All consciousness wants to know is where it arose from.