The personal Self

I know i should never talk about these things.
But let me show some confidence this time.

It seems that the sense of "I" has disintegrated to some extent. The whole "I" was not pointing to anything. It was hanging in mid-air, suspended, with self-references. but none of this pointed to anything concrete or actual. It is just a ridiculous concoction standing on the authority of its own claims and drowning out everything with its noise, so that it cannot be seen that it is suspended with no support or connection to anything else.

Yet, this silence or I-am, or presence which i hold onto, which is so real and so lovely that one wishes to be in it forever, it is seen, and it is held onto. And that requires effort and reminders. Day by day it is getting easier. But someone notices movement in and out of presence. That is an effortless seeing or noticing. Who is it that notices?

In other words, stillness or I-am is an object too. Or else how could i hold onto it. So now what is this subtle silent seeing, that sees sleep, waking, that notices all transitions, that notices thought and silence.

Or to put it another way, where is everything registering? where are sensory inputs, emotions, thoughts, I-am, silence etc all registering. what blessed thing sees all this without effort ?

Or is the personal self pretending it is disintegrating. After all there are still thoughts like "I am happier than before". Am i just saying these things out of habit, or as a reflex, or is the "I" still sitting silently pretending it is on it's way out.

(iTunes: Twilight soundtrack from youtube)