practice is suffering

Things have been lousy for some days. Just unable to get back into silence. all the time there's a low level of some silly inconsequential thoughts going on. unable to remain in the I-am. I keep trying to enquire but it seems alien. I almost feel like i am falling back into the old lost in the mind life.

I know this is only a thought. The mind says this. The mind says that practice is suffering.

Yesterday, i dropped by the animal hospital and they said they would come at 3:30 pm to pick the mother for spaying. They did not. I cannot take this any longer. I know she will go into heat in April. And when the dogs come, it will be tough for little Raja. Another litter ??? And at this point, i cannot leave him defenseless for five days while his mother is spayed. The other dogs (his father who bit him badly below the tail recently) is prowling around.

When Raja grows up then i can try getting the mother spayed. Maybe get them both neutered together when he is 6 months old. When i look into her eyes, i just cannot think of putting her through all that, and not knowing whether they will leave her back here.