Where are You, O Lord ?

This old song brings tears to my eyes.

Where are you, beloved Lord, beloved Father, while I struggle all alone. Are you watching over me ? Does it not pain your heart to see me stumbling and struggling in this maya, in this illusion .. while it would take you only the snapping of a finger to pull me out.

Where are you, O Lord, you once promised you would appear again and again to deliver us, to deliver humankind. What is there left to squeeze out of us, are we even alive, those who love you and long to be with you, to die into you ...
Are we not already dead .. completely dead to the world, completely dead to ourselves ...

You squeezed the life out of Mirabai, do you expect us such one-pointed devotion from us ? There are others like Mother Teresa who died their devotion unquenched ... will that be our fate, too.

One day you pull me into silence, and I practice self-awareness, the next day you pull my heartstrings, you plunge me into devotion, what is this see-saw game you play, whilst never showing your face.

So will it be a bitter end ?


How nice it would be beloved Arunachala, if I were sitting on a large rock on you at this moment. One hand cupping the large rock for balance. My feet feeling you. I would not mind if my feet burned in the heat any more. I don't think you could ever burn my feet again, like you did the first time I ascended the path to the caves where you spent most of your life.