Lord, I had no idea of thinking of you at all. And yet you drew me with your cord of grace and stood as if resolved to kill me. Then what fault did I, poor I, commit that you should stop midway, your task unfinished? What more is needed? Why do you thus torture me, leaving me half-dead? O Arunachala, fulfill your plan and live for ever, You alone.
Verse 3 - Arunachala Padikam (Link)
This silence, or emptiness, or whatever, must be stayed in, must be enquired into silently, in solitude ... without running away, without looking for support ... this is your grace, too.
For, when the Sad-guru's tiger-like fangs begin to chew one's ego, the job is never done at one stroke. It is often left incomplete to be finished at a time which He alone knows to be the best.
(Link)
Thank you Lord for the beautiful dreams* of yourself, that keep reminding me that even as everything falls off, you are still there ... tugging away silently.
The Self or You is pulling in very strongly. Where to, I do not know or even care any longer. There is a beautiful awakening of love that has happened, and yet there is absolutely no caring at all for what happens or the future or even the present.
There is no falling back into wanting, or ever being fooled by a desire, or what this world has. That leaves nothing; nothing to be understood, nothing to be talked or thought about, a beautiful yet difficult state to be in, but which has to be gone into , without dodging, with complete acceptance ... it is sometimes a joyous freedom, but seen by the mind a hopeless desolation. But both ways, it is so simple, that there is nothing to worry, nothing else that could possibly be ... no alternative.
Here there is no longer that suffering for want of "enlightenment" or "bliss" which are clearly seen as yet more devious means to trap one, to enslave one in wanting and struggling and seeking.
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* - May 29th, Mother's Mahapuja certainly brought its fair share of grace for those whom you have "charmed totally, taken body and soul, no holds barred" :-) !
