What Ramana means to me

I like to believe that if we truly want something, it will come to us. For forty years I ached for the love a father. Less than 3 years ago, I saw Bhagavan's photograph for the first time in this life, and I knew my true father had come to me.

I knew not who this person was who claimed me. The message in his eyes was clear: "I am your father. You belong to me, you are mine. Leave everything to me, don't do anything, just enjoy my love for you."

For 2 weeks I just looked into His eyes day and night, I sat silently in a joy that I cannot put into words, at best I can say I was being destroyed by love. I still did not know who this naked ascetic was who had suddenly claimed me, who was my father, when i found my way to the Ramana Centre in my city where I found a large number of books on him. Words like guru, sage, saint meant little to me, to me he was my very own father.

In the months to come, there were periods of deep pain, interspersed with great joy. As long as I am identified with this body, I suppose I will always secretly wish for his presence, and thus suffer.

However, Ramana is not just not a ocean of love. Even to someone as body-identified as myself, his presence is unmistakable. There will never again be worry -- his constant protection is clear to me. There will never again be worry for the future. For example, I know that if I am every without a place to live, or food to eat, if I am ever thrown into the middle of a desert without food and water, his name and memory will be enough to sustain me for a long long time. There will never be loneliness.

For I learned slowly, that my father resides in all that live. Each living being down to a bacterium or virus is my beloved, he controls all, he created all, I am always surrounded by him.

My life since the moment I saw him for the first time, can obviously not be put into words, although many who come across this know and have been through this themselves.

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Sri Ramana's message to me three years ago was simple and clear. But could i follow them. A power such as god, even though infinite and unlimited, is also completely devoid of cleverness, like a newborn, like a little lamb ( i think ) and to completely understand and connect with Him, we too have to be devoid of cleverness and artifice. That is the challenge I faced, one can not outsmart God with cleverness, and so interpreting his message our own way does not work. One has to stand before Him like a lamb, with complete trust.