O Self,
I am constantly reminded of you, all day long, with a longing.
As one rests in silence searching the one more and more, the longing, the missing increases.
The amazing thing is that the longing is as though it is a longing for something one does not have, someone else.
But it is equally strange, that one can no longer long for anything else, other than one's own true nature. Nothing will ever have any appeal again.
There is no enchantment with this world any longer. No more fooling oneself.
The pleasures of this world appear as worthless as candy or cartoon movies to an adult.
If this is You pulling me in, then thank you. If this is the trick of the mind, then may Arunachala Ramana destroy the mind that tricks and fools me.
Arunachala, Father, bless me so that i may be drawn away more and more from the non-Self, into the Self.
Glory to You, O Self, O true nature, O reality.
2008-01-17 22:59
There is also this fear that i might leave this body without coming back to you. Again lost to you. That I may waste this life and end up old without knowing myself.
I look at old people around me, obsessed with the candy this world provides, and fear I may end up like that -- living for momentary pleasures, a life of agony in the mind.
Although the mind's capacity to disturb me, or cause me sadness is gone, yet there is a fear of it. a deep dislike hatred for it.
There are moments when suddenly something might remind me of childhood. e.g an old tune. A faint sense of nostalgia or sadness comes. That momentary faint hint is the worst the mind can do to me. But even that minuscule sense of suffering is totally unaccepatable to me now.
Even the thought os something that once gave pleasure, has a stink now. The stink of deception, of pain disguised as pleasure.
Pleasure IS pain, not the other side of the coin as some philosophers put it.
Even this world of dualities does *not* have any dualities. There is no pleasure and pain, only pain which we foolishly divide. There is only ignorance, only deception, only death or insentience (not death and birth), not sentience and insentience.
There is no ego and self here, no self and non-self here. Only ego/non-self here.
Glory to the grace that pulls us out, to the Self that draws us away, to the One who chooses us for deliverance. Wherever you are, whatever or whoever you are, Glory and love to You.
