2008-01-16 19:13
The line between the seeker and the Self is very fine. Only when one is exceedingly earnest and truthful with oneself can one discern this distinction.
I am fighting the deception of the seeker, and have been fighting it since I embarked on this "virtuous" path.
Everything I did, everything the seeker did, was the mind keeping me away from You, O Self.
What a grand deception.
Everything other than staying away from thought, being in the Self, other than enquiring, is the deception of the seeker. Everything.
And we in our innocence, in ignorance, fell for it.
Being in silence, in self-awareness is the simplest thing. The truthful path that you give us. But we invented our own paths and asked you to endorse them.
Activities that take us away from the personality, from mental noise into silent self-awareness are good.
All other activities are the activities of the personality. Attempting to be aware or enquire during activities of the personality is like wanting to be away from the Self, and then wanting to be in the Self (while wanting to be away from it.)
One cannot run in one direction, and talk of wanting to go in the opposite direction at the same time. The mind deceives us into choosing such paths.
To put it more directly, it is wanting to play the personality game for a while, but somehow be in the Self, while playing the personality game.
We CANNOT be the personality and the Self at the same time.
The tricks of the mind get more subtle as we go along, the seeker gets more refined and spiritual, and "closer" to the Self. But the seeker is the mind, trying to prevent us from just being.
Silent self-inquiry or silent self-awareness is the only "activity" (or non-activity) the personality cannot pierce.
We must understand that all personality activities, are delaying our knowledge of our true nature, every moment not in silent self-awareness or enquiry is delaying our merger with You.
Every time we choose a non-silent activity (say, an entertainment activity), we choose against the Self, we shelve the Self, we put ourselves aside and invite the enemy in.
