This wonderful torment

2007-12-31 22:44

Beloved Lord and Father,
It's new year eve here in India.
Wish you a happy new year, and the happiest ever -- since I am giving you the best gift I ever can, and the best you ever got -- my mind, my "I", my ego, the seeker, whoever is here.

Refuse not my gift, O Father. Not this time.

And who was it You loved? Tell me beloved, who is it whose cries You heard, that sent You running, whom You came to deliver from this maya.

When there are NO persons here, no one in bondage, just some imaginary entities imagining themselves to exist, and be in bondage.
Were You all this while loving something imaginary ?
How can jnani's love imaginary things.

The dying "I" here, never existed, so whom are You delivering. Whom are You saving from ignorance, when there are no people!

Only our Father exists. Only You. And, of course, the "our" has no meaning. Nor does "You" in the sense of someone other than the speaker, since there is only You.

Anyway, I know that this confusion will be cleared soon. The more I turn away from this mind, the more in silence I am, the more I know that You are here.

Every moment of silence is You asserting yourself over the ego.

This will be my most silent, peaceful year until now.

I would like to come to Sri Ramanasramam, and be with Arunachala again in spring. And eat from your hands at the ashram. I would like to wash sweet Arunachala's Feet with my tears.

So kind it was of You, O Father, to allow us to be born in samsara and suffer, for the end, before destroying us, You let us feel the wonderful torment of Your darts of love.

That is the only thing worthwhile in this so-called universe/maya -- Your name and face, and Your love for the lost.

(Now AMM has started.)
All your devotees call you "the noble sage, Ramana". For us, you are our father! Our sweet father, who lives with us, always. Others come and visit you and go. But you live with us, day and night, in every thought, in every fiber of our heart.