How it must have been

2007-12-04 21:05
(iTunes: dalaleragita, instrumental)

i repeat "i love you" in my mind looking at You, Bhagavan, or thinking of You when i hear this (dalaleragita). You are so innocent it's hard not to love You as one's baby. Every photograph shows that innocence.

Oh, how it must have been when we were around You, in Your physical presence. How it must have pained You knowing we would be born once more. That we would have to live one whole life without Your sweet physical presence. Hungering and aching for You.


And yet you said "I am here" before you 'left'. And of course you remained, for we could never have lived without You.

How it must have been when You looked into our eyes. Surely You did look into our eyes, beloved Father.

Was i as shy then as I am now, too shy to approach You and speak with You. But You would have known and called me to You. Surely you would have told us "Where have you been all this while?" when we first met You.

I imagine the first words that came out of my lips when I first met you were "Father!". What else could I say?

Even today if You came before me in your Form, that would be the first word.

O Lord, surely this is the last birth. Surely existence cannot prevent the union of a soul once it has encountered The Father of all. Once a form has set its eyes on Your form, there can be no more calling that form back again and again for more 'earth duty' can there.
What a poison, separation from You.
Lord, there is no substitute for You in the maya. Don't your child's tears make you want to leave everything and come running to me, and pick me up from here for good.

O Arunachala, dear Father, we are Yours and we belong to You, and only You.

...

What a poison this world is, what an accursed poison, to lure us away from You for countless births. Accursed is this mind for fooling us, deluding us, and hiding You from us.

It was the day I fell in love with You that i was really born. The day you looked into my eyes and said "You are my son, you are mine!" is the day i started to exist.