Yesterday and today

There has been so much emotion overwhelming me. Yesterday i was so deeply plunged in it. In the afternoon, i suddenly realized i've been in thought all day. So i put in some effort to come to the present moment. And then i found myself effortlessly in the present. I walked back from the park, a thought would try to arise but could not. i sat all evening in presence.

I thought wow, even if i lose this, i can get back in a few minutes and be effortless all day. But that was not how it was to be. Today, i had no peace, i kept on enquiring, i was almost in tears while returning from the afternoon walk. totally dismayed. I was thinking of canceling going and feeding the pups. In any case, she's suddenly stopped eating the biscuits i take, so what's the point. I decided to go anyway.... and the previous post details the miracle of the 4th pup.

What notices the I-am coming and going, what notices silence, where does this silence or I-am spring from ? I am getting nowhere.