The fifth pup

I had mentioned that the day the fifth pup vanished, i had seen a dead kitten on the roadside. I now have realized that my eyes had deceived me. That was the fifth pup. Today, i overheard a girl telling her mother as they got into their car that one of them had been run over.

Its freezing but they are holding up. It was 1 degree last night, i was afraid they would not survive but they did. my little ones. my lions.
It was so cold inside the house, i had to go for a walk. Another female in the park on whom some kind souls have put a coat, was walking around with the string tied hampering her. I got the string off, but then she managed to take off the coat. I could not get it back on alone, so i located the house that got her the coat, and left the coat on their stairs.

There's this whole drama of the illegal construction going on in the basement (everyone's been paid off), and my private world of animals and this love for them and for Mother Earth that is pressing away.

I am suddenly having these fantasies of leaving the house someday and living on the streets or outside some town, begging. I am too tired of this society where one is busy all one's life fighting to protect what you've earned. First fighting to get something, then fighting off everyone else.

The purpose of this universe was to feel love, for the heart to melt in love. When you feel the pain of others, when you feel it so much that you forget yourself, then it feels (to me) that this is why existence has come about.

I suppose in order to feel love and kindness, it was necessary to create the illusion of "I" (of an individual person). And that illusion is so strong and so well-designed, that shaking it off seems impossible. For it is the "I" that is trying to shake off the illusion. It is the "I" that searches for the "I" that creates the lie of a real and false I. That pretends it is not itself and must become itself.