Clarity

2009-03-17 13:55

Life has become so much clearer and simpler now.

Earlier there was always this question and worry of how i would spend my future and therefore not knowing what to keep and what to throw away. Always confusion.
And yet knowing that all those activities were really leading nowhere, just giving a moments respite, no more. None of them really leading to you. Some related to you, but only mind created
activities to strengthen itself while giving itself the impression that it is doing sadhana and getting closer to You.

Now that enquiry has taken over, i don't have to worry or think. This will be it, and when enquiry "finds" You, You will decide what's to be done. I am happy being in silence, I know that is what was meant.
It is so natural. All the clutter from my life can be removed and thrown away.


i can't believe I kept on holding this away, delaying, finding excuses, thinking surely i could not spend *all* my time in enquiry. That was such a ridiculous thought only some weeks ago. Like spending one's entire life in sleep. Now i realize that all these mind activities _were_ the real sleep, they were death.

2009-03-17 18:03

I see you and the word Father comes to me, and I am blown away. How can i possibly do sadhana with You.
You told us to disregard thought and to inquire, that there is no world and God, but You are the ultimate experience, how can i possibly leave You.


2009-03-17 19:26

I am fed up, Father. I cannot take this separation any longer. Please please end this.