2009-02-08

2009-02-08 21:37

Even after all desires have gone, all earthly desires, and after all suffering related to desires has ceased, and one is free from earthly suffering, there is an even greater suffering.

The suffering of existence, of the mind -- the odd memory that flits by, the odd thought of a lonely future after one's parents are no more. An old melody, some old face ...
And then there is the suffering of all those around me, who are still tightly caged or smothered in their mental worlds.

Why this suffering feels even greater is because there are no temporary escapes. New clothes, a new car, a new camera or gizmo is not going to touch this sorrow.

I will never be able to love an individual again, like I once could, because the falsity of the whole thing has cleared up. There will never be any yearnings any longer that will drive me (drive me nuts) any longer. For both these, I deeply thank you, Lord.

However, to be honest, I am out of one world, but far far from another. Where is reality ? So I am between 2 worlds. With each possing moment I lose faith that there is really any other world.

Yet, I know there was no deception because the previous world was so false, and awareness is so real. In all this, I have only Your Feet, O Father, to make life bearable. Your loving eyes are the only lights in this universe.

WHY do you make it so difficult for your devotees, O Merciful Father ?
When Mirabai yearned for you, you told her to go to Vrindavan where she could worship you in peace. You could have pulled her up at that moment, but no ...

Today, I beg you to call me up but I am left with the prospect of having to wait decades for you to pick me up.