Self-enquiry practice

For some months I have been unable to do enquiry. The pups were one reason of late. All my mind was on them. And then in February I found myself coming into the Now again and again, and it felt sweet. For the first time I enjoyed it and wanted to come back again and be there. Then there was that incident of someone threatening to call the police about the dogs. That put me into such anxiety, totally gripped me. I had only one option, to keep asking "who is suffering".

And this felt totally natural. Remaining in the awareness or Now or present moment. Aiding it by asking "Who is suffering" or "who is having these thoughts" and then being intensely aware or watching. To me this is how enquiry naturally is, and DG's book in chapter "Self-enquiry - Practice" says just this in the very first para. Although, he uses so many different ways of referring to awareness, that it becomes confusing for a first time reader, or someone who has not figured out what is to be held or abided in.

As always happens, that naturally falling into awareness comes for a few days and then goes away. I must not give up, must not get distracted again. This time i actually feel that this is more important than anything else i could do. there is no more the feeling that i could be doing something more interesting, or let me take a break, or how much longer does this have to go on.

Please Father, give me the strength and motivation to keep this up till liberation. Do not let me get distracted.