Not this lovely world ... only You

Dearest Father

This world is beautiful, I love it more and more each day. I am joyous.
But ... no matter how lovely it is ... it is not for me. Only You, Father, are for me.

Only You. No beautiful worlds, no worlds bathed in love... how much longer does one have to keep asking and pleading with You and with Mother Universe, to reclaim one.

No longer do i want joy or bliss or happiness, what use has one of such things. One who has known You, O dear Father. One who looked into Your eyes, one who has heard your name, what use is anything for him.

I have no longer any tears left, or time for crying. No more prayers left in me, i smile and laugh with everyone. For this is not my world any longer, i have no involvement in it any longer. What can i say to all those who have never heard Your name or known Your intimate love.

Maybe I am joyous because I know that this body cannot be eternal, that sooner or later I have to "die" and so return to You is inevitable. No one can deprive me of "death". Or maybe i am joyous, because i am just tired of being in pain, and wanting, even wanting to be "me" or whatever that stuff was.

Okay, so you want me to hang around here while my parents are alive. Is that the deal? Will you keep me hung out here after that, too, for decades.

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Or maybe I am joyous because I know that none of this exists. I don't nor does anyone else. And so the only option is to love all these innocent imaginary beings or appearances. But this joy is more of relief that the end is near, that this illusion has to fade out very soon. It is relief not something that i can want to be in for any longer.